i don't think i ever really loved you.
just the idea of you that i has made up.
he never existed.
i'm beginning to think he never will.
i'm becoming bitter and cynical.
i don't think i believe in love any longer.
i see couples laughing and kissing and do not think how happy they are, but what one is doing behind the others back.
the one is suicidal, the other cold and uncaring.
i'm very drunk.
again.

but.

tomorrow i will take the rest of my xanax.
tomorrow i will be happy
at least for one day in my life

god help me
i don't want just the one day.
why does it have to be pills?

why am i alone.